I just need you around.

currently sitting on my bed in the dark. glancing at the blinking green light on my sidekick every few minutes. drinking gatorade. chewing gum. listening to my favorite playlist on itunes.

second blog of the day. in the past few hours. and ironically I don't have much to say. "I love the way that he speaks. I way that he thinks." my house is unnaturally silent. its making me feel uneasy. my brother should be coming home from work soon. that'll make me feel a lot better, probably.

http://i35.tinypic.com/34gtrig.jpg

I think I'm good at reading people. I can listen to what you say, or how you say it and come to a conclusion about what you want / feel / need. I may be wrong sometimes but I go by my instinct. I can tell if you really don't wanna talk to me or if you really don't care that I didn't call. I... don't wanna sound like a loony but I even feel as if I can tell what you want if you're silent. eh. bear with me.

I just want you around. I just want you around. I just want you around. I just want you around. (backspace). I feel extremely calm. feeling like this is kind of like dreaming. once something fucks it up, its hard to get the feeling back. hm. I think I'll write tonight.

He been talking shit on the phone as usual.

text message recieved:
U seemed like u was in a bad mood. U ok?

let me not get into my day too much because I will piss myself off. I shall just say I had the scariest worst dream I've had in a long time. seriouslyyyy. I'm done with that subject though. I didn't go to half of my classes today because I wasn't in the school mood. I woke up late, didn't have enough time to get ready and couldn't concentrate in class for shit. its all good though. eyshawns house is packed with yummilicious snacks and goodies and I swear I ate everythingggg. no fucking wonder.

http://www.kmbc.com/video/17768384/index.html

goddamn. well. LMAO. okay, my whole body is in pain. I feel like I've been excersizing excessively. I need to stretch more. I've decided I'm going to definitely find my ass a yoga class to attend. theres one around here for $10 a month including access to the entire gym. I'm looking in that general direction. I don't think I'll find a better deal.

natasha had said some really funny shit that I can't remember for nothin. I was laughing to the point where my stomach hurt though. jeez. oh, here I go being hopeful again. whatever is meant to be will be though. I'll holla.

I drove myself insane wishing I could touch your face...

text message recieved:
im happy. i think i told u i interviewed with shaneequa. they liked me alot.im happy

my house was freezing and I turned up the heat to seventy five. I hope my dad doesn't get mad or anything lmao. I feel the heat coming out the baseboards. I hear the boiler. isn't life wonderful?

today was fantabulous. ( pause ). okay I'm lying, I've just really been wanting to type that word somewhere LOL. today was... chill. I looked nice but once again my goddamn blazers hurt my feet. I think they make me more pigeontoed / bowlegged than I actually am. but I shall admit they are cute. it was hailing today. fucking hailing. you niggas have no idea how unprepared I was for that bullshit. I was getting pelted in the head and all that. I think mother nature is angry at my ass. foreal.

I had the best goddamn halloween cookies today. they were soft with orange icing. and huge, two for a dollar! I was in goddamn cookie heaven for a good five minutes. seriously. I'm extremely happy for my mom for her big ass accomplishment. she got a new job that she loves in the perfect place for her. and she's getting paid better, so I'm happy for her ass. and I'm super mad my dad tried to press me and cut me off on my way home in his big ass truck. I shoulda hit his fucking car. anyway I have to go do my neices hair for her goddamn play tonight. I shall holla.

& You know I be with cavemen...

text message received:
Every nigga has that fear.

The weather is so unpredictable. It was rainy all day with the thunder and everything. I could've sworn I was going to get struck, or hit by a tree that was struck or something. Not the best feeling in the world but whatever. I wore a hoodie under my bomber and uggs so I was warm and comfortable, but in my classes the air conditioning is STILL on ( they haven't turned it off from the summer, they don't do it until around mid november ) and I'm sure some of the other students were freezing. It was dark outside pretty much all day, and in english storms always foreshadow something bad to come. LOL, I sound crazy but its true. I woke up knowing bad shit was going to happen.

Bada bing, bada boom.

So today in the library I picked up a few James Patterson books. I can't claim to be a fan yet but I've heard some good shit about him so I'm excited to see what the hypes about. I'm also planning on borrowing a book from Kenny about my love Bob Marley. Seriously... I'm hopeful hopeful hopeful. Y'all be hopeful with me. You don't know for what yet but when it happens I'll tell y'all. Bare with me here. I smell pizza, and I'm NOT fat. Fuck you niggas. I'll holla.

Wouldn't be alive if I didn't shoot first...

text message received:
Do what you wish.

I swear on my own two feet man LOL. Foreal. I ain't trippin though. Its raining hard. I think it sounds pretty nice against my house. My third blog of the goddamn day. Proves how bored I get, huh? Just shoot me now. My stomach has been receiving some major pains these past ten minutes. I don't know why. Don't flippin ask!

I think I'm gonna need to get surgery on my eyes. Again. Sigh.

I need to make an appointment for my eye doctor and my dentist sometime this week. I've been putting it off. I love my eye doctor though, he has hella toys in his office! Of course I'm too old to play with them but still... y'all know. Jeez. Age ain't nothing but a goddamn number, right? BOO. Speaking of that, there's the most creepy security guard in life that's always in the hallway by my english class. Dude swears we're bffls and all that gushy shit. Winking at me and what goddamn not. Asking me how I feel about older niggas. Mothafucka excuse me? What is it to YO blackass? I'm gonna report his bitchass, that's innapropriate. Shit.

I was told I have like, super thighs. I was also told they look like I've been playing soccer in Brazil. I've been trying to beat Alexs high score ( 2550 ) on this hidden snowboard game. I'm up to 2390. Jeez. Me and B had thee funniest convo on our way home about dingleberries and all that shit. Word is, he keeps moist towelettes in his back pocket and shit. I believe his ass, too.

Him: I wonder how it feels when you drive.
Me: What you mean?
Him: I dunno. Isn't the world huge to you?

Clap on, clap off. I'll holla.

I swear I'd be a better man.

text message received:
:( what kinda thing are u

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward."
Lmao. Geez. I woke up hella on time today, and I wasn't an eensy bit tired. I hopped my ass outta bed right away. I think it was because I had like an extra hour of sleep more than I usually have. Either way I'm in such a good mood, I even had time to play around with my goddamn hair. Woopee.

By the time I'm outta my house and getting in the car, the sun is like... just coming up. Its still pretty much dark out. I like it though, its pretty. And I noticed that every morning I see the same exact things as I drive down the street. Lol. The exact same people doing pretty much the exact same things. Uh, Jarell did thee dirtiest thing last night. I didn't know he had it in him but I guess he does. I'm amazed. Just proves that you cannot trust any goddamn body and females that think they can are sadly mistaken. Foreal. I'll holla though.

No more complaining, either put up with it or let it go.

"I ain't gotta say nothin she just knows, by the way I'm lookin at her take off all her clothes..."

I just got home and I must admit it feels nice being back in my bed. my weekend was eventful and tiring as fuck. I hardly got any sleep between this pageant shit, doing community service and homecoming. I didn't get home til like two last night and I didn't go to sleep til around seven. then I had to get up around eleven and get ready for this bullshit that I did not even wanna attend.

http://i36.tinypic.com/so0s5z.jpg
http://i36.tinypic.com/212eekp.jpg

don't let the smile fool you. I was super pissed. some niggas have they nerve tryna holla at me. in your little heads I guess its okay. LOL. "I mean um... do you have a number I can call you at?" nigga how about NO? shit. y'all freakin amaze me. whatever. I got some book from my cousin called shes come undone and I'm enjoying it. its no harry potter. I ain't complaining though. I painted my brother a little styrafome cup because I can't afford him anything for his birthday. I hope he likes it lmao. :/ I'll holla.

Confessions II.

text message recieved:
We got good seats

"That night I would've got murdered if I ain't grab the hatchet and let them cowards have it..."

I'm sitting in my living room with my nathans hamburger ( which btw is making me sick but its so delicious ) and my sidekick. this blanket is not keeping my legs warm and I have to go into the next room to get the laptop charger but I don't wanna get up. tonight was fun and there was a lot of those laugh - til - your - stomach - hurts moments. I seriously wanna send my friends to the goddamn salvation army. LOL. the fashion show was coo. nothing spectacular, nothing new, nothing special. I excepted more but y'all know how that goes. at the end of the night I ended up at keishas house cooking for a bunch of hungry black asses. not the funnest thing in the world. they had me working hard like the good little house slave that I am. sweating over that goddamn hot ass stove. shittin me. it is what it is though. these are my confessionsss. its almost three am. I'm cold, I'm too awake to go to sleep and I'm now upset. I think I'm gonna let usher play and lay back. and I also finished harry potter. I hated the ending. it was nice, I just hated that I was done. and now harry potters done. and now what, yanno? goddamn. I'll holla.

No matter what the people say...

Text message received:
I lock you in a cage til i get home LMAO BITCH WHO U NEEDA TALK TO THAT AINT ME?!

"It was all a dream, I used to read WordUp! magazines..."
Its 5:28am. I haven't been to sleep yet but suprisingly I'm not tired. Drey decided he wanted to let me go to sleep about ten minutes ago and I figured there was no point. I swear this nigga doesn't need sleep. He's hella hyper. My fucking god somebody take him! -covers my ears

Drey: SHHHHWWOOOO!
Me: ...
Drey: What? What is that?
Me: Huh?
Drey: SSSSHHHHWWWOOO!!1
Drey: What is that?
Me: That's you Drey...
Drey: NO WHAT IS IT?!
Me: Its you!
Drey: -giggles
Drey: SSSHHHWWWOOOO.
Drey: WHAT IS IT?

This whole week for me hasn't exactly been shits and giggles ( LOL who the fuck makes this shit up ). I'm not as relaxed as I usually am and I don't like the feeling of having weight on my shoulders. He claims that I pack my goddamn suitcase at least three times a week to go nowhere but that's an exaggeration. I bes trippin dough. Frilly rilly. Sometimes.

Blah blah yada yada boom. I gotta get ready for my day. I'll holla.

"Dear diary, I don't wanna keep shit inside of me
I rather just speak to you privately"
I was so tired all goddamn day. Between watching I love money and talking to my babe, I had an hour of sleep. I woke up late ( once again ) and rushed to get ready. Morning time is my least favorite time of the day. Even when I'm moving slowly, I swear.

My feet are cold. And oh yeaaa, Danielle informed me of some shit that had me giggling like no other. WOMP.

I'm currently at Keishas house laid up on her couch. Her nephews here just being the cutest little dumplin' ever ( not including my nephew ). The Viking Mansion party is tonight. I'm planning on going through for a little with these black asses. I'm not exactly a party animal. More like a homebody. And being around a bunch of drunk / high niggas is not the business. LOL. Lets leave that for the birds.

Eh. I'm being rude. I'll holla.

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”

drey burps so goddamn much. eh. I just got home about an hour ago and I took a quick shower, washed my clothes and made myself something to eat. now I'm relaaaaxin and on the phone with this papi. I'm warming up my rice and I'm overly hyped to eat ( seeing as how I'm some types of broke and haven't eaten anything today. except pretzels! ) to the point that I think my goddamn mouth is watering.

yeah it is.

woooah. this shit is good. last night drey would not go to sleep for anything. he wanted me to stay up until he fell asleep because his ass decided to watch saw and he was scared. lol I listened to his big doofy ass fall asleep though, then I was out right after him. I was sidekickless all day and going through freaking withdrawals. my fellow sidekick users know how that shit goes. I'm halfway through harry potter and its freaking exciting! I am in love. I'm super jealous that he's a wizard and I can't be a goddamn witch. why is he more special than me? I'm saying, if I was a witch voldemort wouldn't even be an issue. I woulda been killed his white ass!

don't mind the bright ass colors on my blog, LOL. I couldn't figure out what the fuck to do with this nonsense. whats good with the yahoo adds though? ( hypee.kills ) I'll hollaaa.

Text message received:
What? Homosexuality is never a joke

"My shoe is off, my foot is cold, I have a bird, I like to hold."
Dr.Seuss has the best quotes ever. I swear I'd love to meet him. Lol anyway, I'm laying in my bed with my big ass Harry Potter book next to me. I've been reading slowly but I'm starting to get into it. Homecoming starts Wednesday. I'm not even gonna front like I'm not excited. I better goddamn be. Those tickets were expensive. I'm most looking forward to the fashion / comedy show on Friday.

Party over here!

Today was like negative twelve degrees outside. I swear I was freeeezing. I could've sworn to god that I was gonna catch some sorta disease. Lucky me though. Drey is amazed because I can understand potwa ( or w/e its spelled ). He was freaking grabbing my head shaking me like "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!" Jeez louise!

Wanna know what irks me? When grown ass people confuse feel with fill ( when they type ). "I fill sick." Through with threw. Or yanno, just... anything like that. At a certain age you should know the goddamn difference. And I don't understand how people think its okay for a 25 y/o man to be with a 15 y/o girl. We were having a discussion in my sociology class about it. "Age ain't nothin but a number" my goddamn ass! If I was a parent, that nigga would be in JAYULL. What the fuck is YO grown ass gone do with a goddamn 15 y/o? They can't even drive yet. Smh. Shittin me.

Fuck y'all. I'll holla.

Text message received:
I can't wait to have you.

Me: - whispering
Me: if I was a boy..
Deondrey: - stares
Me: I'd be a better man!
Me: - runs around the room in my bra & panties
Me: I know how it feels when you lose everything!!!1
Deondrey: UM OKAY THIS IS GETTING WEIRD...

"Saying that I cheat? Right, maybe with my heat. Got a pearl handle chrome thing that I call sweets."
Eh. I'm laying in bed in my hello kitty bra and panties. I just let Deondrey go take a well needed shower and I'm patiently ( sike, LOL ) awaiting his return. I began reading the Harry Potter book and I haven't gotten into it yet. It always takes a chapter or two for me to have my nose buried in it. Is it weird that I wish I went to freaking Hogwarts? I promise I'm not a loser though.

( silence )

Okay. I am SLIGHTLY loserish. Blah. Its freezing in my bedroom. The rest of my house is cozy though. I have two big ass blankets over me. :/ When Drey gets back I'll have him massage my feets. I need new friends. My yahoo list is garbage. Seriously. ( hypee.kills ). I'll probably be back to blog sometime tomorrow morning, lol. Holla.

"Even if I did twist him, I promise I ain't kiss him. No respect shown - my homegirls laugh when he talk dirty on the speaker phone. "

ehm. its sunday night and I'm in the most amazingly calm mood ever. I went grocery shopping with my stepmoms today. some white lady hit me with her goddamn cart on my foot and my shit still hurts. she didn't even apologize. bitch.

eyshawn: ( to some random black girl ) mmm girl. you is the finest negrita I done seen in years. you know I like chocolate. -kissy face

yesterday was coo. it definitely was nothing I expected. while I was planning on going to the mall, movies and then chillin at raissas house... they obviously had different plans. we ended up going to the mall, nathans and then KFC. but we did chill at raissas house. it was freezing. they wouldn't even let me drive to the mall. they insisted on walking because "its only a ten minute walk from raissas." ( it was actually about thirty minutes ).

what is this nonsense about breaking niggas car windows? LOL. that shit is not cool no matter how you look at it. smh. and females are going around singing it like its the business. no good, jazmine sullivan. I'm disappointed in you. OH and I'm definitely feeling like I got a little mini me. I see you!

ps : raissa gave me her seventh harry potter book! zomg I'm so hyped to start reading it.

"There was that law of life, so cruel and so just, that one must grow or else pay more for remaining the same."
Text message received:
I just seen that.. Old memories

I swear I'm a good ass person. Smh. Anyway I'm sitting on the floor in a pile of candy wrappers ( and my tounge is purple! But I swear I'm not a fat ass slob :/ ) which I had planned to clean up but then my sidekick caught my attention and... y'all know how that goes. I had a good ass sleep last night. My blanket / sheets / pillow smell like clothes detergent which happens to be the sexiest smell ever. Jeez.

Shit. My brothers birthday is in six days.

I woke up in a good ass mood. My phone was the first thing that made me smile this morning. Next was seeing my nephews two year old smile. I can almost understand him when he talks now. B sent me a series of angry texts this morning that I could do nothing but laugh at lmao. He's hella bad at being mean. Its coo dough! $#@&*! Eh. My jaecupcakes wants a piece of mommaaa! I shall holla.

"Fill what is empty, empty what is full and scratch where it itches."

text message recieved:
i will miss u. :(

its a friday night and I'm home being a complete loser. eh I'm currently texting natasha* and eating candy in my bedroom. I'm feinding for a goddamn latte but thanks to drey I didn't buy one when I was up by dunkin donuts earlier. I regret it. my mouth is watering just thinking about it. last night I literally had about an hour and a half of sleep. I was fighting a losing battle inside me to keep my ass awake in my classes. then goddamn drey had the nerve to try to keep me up when I got home. "wtf? you had two whole hours of sleep. stay up!" he can't front though, I did give it to him last night. yes man. I love it when YO ass calls me big poppa. - pop locks

aight then.

"Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway."

And the only thing I hate more than a liar is a bad liar. Seriously. I'm currently sitting indian style ( as always ) on my big black chair watching the Fresh Prince. Carlton is too cute. I'd bag. Verizon is fucking up. My on demand hasn't been working so I haven't been able to watch my shows like I love money & Paris Hilton is my new BFF. Goddamn you, Fios.

Me and B got into the freaking hugest argument ever in life. He was on his shit today, I don't know who shitted in his soup this morning. Fuck ever though. His bullshit isn't something I have to deal with so I'm not trippin. I still plan on going to the movies tomorrow night though, with or without him. Lol... bet. And I did my jaecupcakes layout after a few hours of haggling. Its bombinnn.

I really want a new haircolor. This blonde is getting played. I'm thinking to go back to black. How does that sound? Yeah. I'll holla.

leona lewis - better in time . mp3

ya'll don't hate on me. I heard this song while I was browsing random radio stations in the car with my neice and I fell in love with it. right. I'm determined to find a dress like the black one beyonce's wearing in her "if I were a boy" video. the nigga in it is too freaking cute, and she looks gorgeous too.

( currently thinking hard as to what to type... )

I think I used up all the money on my dunkin donuts gift card already. LOL those lattes are burning holes in my pockets, I tells you. I've been enjoying the whole nakedness feeling lately. just chillin in my bed in my panties ( ask drey ). clothes make me feel all confined now. LET US BE FREE. I'm dead ass. and my stomachs been hurting something terrible all day. I jynxed myself. here comes the pain, y'all.

eh. I'll holla. :/

could you picture me with a few million?

text message recieved:
Meet me @ the outlet...we can hit up ur diner in the strip in a few.

I'm currently sittin on my bed in front of the window once again. although I usually sleep through it, the evening is probably my favorite part of the day, its so pretty. the sky looks orange / red / yellow / purple. almost like a painting. and I have thee best view from my window. if only I was artistic...

sigh.

lmao let me not even front like I have something important to say. eh. my dad bought me burritos and I'm extremely happy. I was called "mighty small" today. well shit, excuse me. I need a new hustle since everybody who was willing to buy obama buttons from me has several ( LOL ). let me see bout them mccain buttons.

I kid. holla.

This is probably gonna be deleted when I get home, lol. Just something to pass time for me.

I'm sitting in Dunkin Donuts eating my flatbread cheese sandwich and staring out the window. Lol, I probably look lonely as hell. I'm not even worried though. I had a lot on my mind and I needed "me" time. I stopped by Natasha*s crib earlier but she has some shit she needs to work out with herself. Plus Nette Poo was on the verge of a goddamn breakdown. I didn't wanna be around when that happened.

" who the fuck else killed the bitch? She killed the bitch! "

I think I wanna go to a club this weekend. Who's down? :/

I know that I should throw the towel in... but baby it's not that easy.

text message recieved:
Lmaoooooooo I got u a DD giftcard. U luv me now?

I need a fucking massage badly. I spent my day hunched over some goddamn papers bigger than my whole body painting shit for my grandmas campaign. my social circle this weekend consisted of ( basically ) B, tasha, drey, my moms & my nana. I feel like a complete loser. its all good though because jazmine sullivan is making me feel better.

did I mention that I wanna join a yoga class? gosh. I want my life to be as peaceful as possible. seriously. I wanna sit my ass down and meditate daily. goddamn. I need it. I must admit there were a couple times these past few days where I actually grabbed my head to make sure it didn't fall off my shoulders onto the floor and break my face. LOL. right. I'm going crazy, y'all.

him: what happened at the end of your book?
me: she didn't live happily ever after. sadly...
me: now I'm heartbroken.
him: LOL
him: you fuckin fall in love with your book characters.
me: :/ yeah...

I'll holla.

entry deleted.

"you think I'm so full of it, full of it. I think I'm just fed up, baby. you think I can be so arrogant, arrogant but I'm just tryna keep my head up baby. you think I procrastinate baby but I think I'm taking my time. you think you need to leave but I think I disagree. I think you're so full of it, full of it. you just don't know when to let up baby. I think you're so arrogant, arrogant, but you think you're so much better baby. I think it ain't healthy for me to judge you by your flaws and thats why I know I could criticize but I put that aside to focus on you & I. but if you believe you'll do best without me... then I'll let it go boy, its over... but before we say goodbye, lets give it a try. if you leave then baby I'll leave. I'll let it go boy, its over... but I have no doubts that we could work it out. "

Any don would need her, nikes to bomb adidas...

Text message received:
Lol thats od. Do u wana tlk?

Its 9:48 am on a Sunday morning and I'm awake.

I've been sleeping on & off for the past two & a half hours because of the severe case of crampage in my uterus. I took two midols around 7:30 and those shits haven't kicked in yet. God wants me to suffer :/ Ugh. Kill me now.

I woke up about five minutes ago because of this terrible dream I had and I don't wanna go back to sleep. In every nightmare I've ever had I couldn't run away fast enough because my feet feel like cement blocks and I'm moving in slow motion while everything else around me is moving normal speed. I hate it.

Something scary was chasing me. And red, with big teeth and probably wings. Not just chasing me, looking for me, asking people... killing others ( including family members ) trying to find me. The works. I tried to kill myself to get away from whatever / whoever was looking for me. I jumped off a building. I didn't die. I was laying on the floor paralyzed. Somebody told him / her / it where I was, and the thing was coming for me when I woke up. Now I'm curious about what happens next. Not curious enough to go back to sleep and possibly find out though. Blah.

The setting of my worst dreams is usually here. My moms house. And not for nothing, I think this place is more than a little haunted ( yes, I do believe in spirits and ghosts and all that ). I think somethings wrong in my head though. I have the worst dreams of anyone I know. The kind of dreams that if I tell someone about them, they're like o.O... foreal.

I seriously didn't mean for this post to be a big rant about my dreams. Smh. I probably sound nuts and bananas. Spare me.

Let that be the reason.

Text message received:
lmaooo nigga I aint pussy I just hate monsterz

So last night I wrote this whole long blog and I freaking accidentally pressed back on my sidekick and boom. Bye bye blog. I've been attempting to blog for the past couple of days but I can't find the words to express how I've been feeling. Lol. Right.

Talk about some scary ass niggas though. I had B gripping my arm and squeezing the life out of it during the haunted house. "Jae. I'm gonna close my eyes. Jeanri tell me what's there! Are we almost out?" Lmao nigga you are grown. Fuck off me! The maze? Oh no. We went in as a group ( about seven of us ) and then Tasha fell on me and when we got up everyone was gone! So we had to troop that shit alone. I swear the monsters chased our asses. There was a guy with a chainsaw standing in the dark looking big as life shaking his head. I was terrified. Lmao he chased us for a good 5 minutes. When we finally got out Devon was looking like he seen someone die. Terrible.

Smh. And I had thee worst dream in history. I think it was trying to tell me something. Let that be the reason...

I'll holla.

Tell him I need him.

now I may have faith to make mountains fall but if I lack love then I am nothing at all. I can give away everything I possess, but left without love then I have no happiness.

I've decided I want to be a waitress. but the thing is, I'm dead ass serious. times are hard. foreal. let me wait for the giggles to cease.

I'm planning on driving to the diner in the vlg. and filling out an application on my way to my moms house tomorrow morning. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not gonna be a sales associate because I guess for some reason I'm less qualified than anyone else who exists in the world. so I will be serving food ( thats only assuming that I'm even "qualified" for that bouleshit ). fuck everyone. I didn't spend time with my natasha* today like every other day but that was okay because I got alone time. I sat and read some random book that bay picked out for me ( which I'm falling in love with over and over again each time I turn the page ).

sigh.

I want to join a yoga class and learn to play the guitar. seriously. and I'd feel better if I got some words of encouragement from some of your black asses. "tell him I need him. tell him I love him. everything is gonna be alright." I'll holla.

Your love makes me feel ten feet tall.

nothing even matters at all.

I'm currently listening to joss stone and sitting on my bed with face mask on and my hair wrapped in a towel. I just washed it and its a big curly mess. blah. my day was uneventful, and I wish I'd stayed home. I'm not in a bad mood though... believe it or not ( ha ). I spent most of my free time listening to natasha* rant about this that and the next. I think she just talks to talk.

and I'm just typing to type. eh.

its funny how things work out. let that be the reason I don't make the same mistakes. I wanna put my face in my hands and scream. not for anything. just for everything. if that makes sense? I'm happy though y'all. I promise. just confused out my mind. whatever. "my eyes are green cause I eat a lot of vegetables." these niggas keep texting me about some goddamn haunted maze. I'm with it though. LOL. I'll holla.

Your heart and mind baby, follow it...

I'm currently laying in bed, listening to Drey ramble about arroz con pollo and plantanos. He's so Mexican, lol. I'm updating from my sidekick. Its two thirty a.m. My windows open and it reminds me what I like about fall nights. The breeze. It makes me feel so calm and all that.

Amazing.

When I got home from my job hunting with Doris, I went right to sleep ( I mean, immediately after eating my french fries ). I woke up around eleven and ate again. Then sat my ass in front of the television and watched I Love Money. Lmao. I think I know why I'm gaining all this weight. I shall stop ( but probably not ). Eh. Tomorrow I think I'm gonna wear a fitted white shirt, sweats and flip flops. Unless its too cold. Then I'll revert to my Jordans. Bam blamma.

He wants me to make him a sandwich. Smh. I'll holla.

How can they say that a love like ours won't last?

even if we disagree, you can put it all on me.

I'm currently bumpin anthony hamilton and sitting on my bed indian style while this laptop is damn near burning a hole in my legs. its all good though. I'm completely stress-less. I applied at walmart ( again ) today and my fingers are crossed. I hope I get hired. some female from one of my classes "doris" has been buggin me about chillin so I guess we're gonna chill tomorrow after classes. we were supposed to on thursday but a bitch came home and fell right asleep, womp.

bada bing bada boom.

me and my mom were playing goddamn hangman all weekend. its like my new favorite game and I must say that I am a beast. don't sleep! and I haven't played word racer in a good goddamn month. who wanna get they ass beat? lol. I'll holla.

I'm blue.

Backspace. Backspace twice. I shall not violate you niggas. Not today at least.

Lately I haven't been in the blogging mood. Blogspot and the people on it are getting wacker as the days go by. And that's not directed at one person, its in general. Which means its directed at you all. Oops? Don't take it personal. Anyway I'm sitting in the car outside this voodoo magic shop or whatever in the fuck you'd like to call it. Its chilly outside and I'm lightweight tired. We've been here for about two hours. Reds, Karyn and my mom are hella determined to get this shit done today. Smh.

Last night was blah. I mean, it was good but bad. A mixture. Bittersweet I guess. Earlier I stopped by American Eagle and bought a new blue / red plaid peacoat. I think its the cutest thing since shoe strings. I'm thinking about coloring my hair a few shades darker than it is. Or maybe I'll get it multicolored ( not on no hoodrat bird shit ). A light brown / dark blonde. Sounds good, yeah?

I'm hella proud of myself y'all. Like super proud. I'm doing so good in my classes its unbelievable! My MATH teacher stopped me after class and complimented me. That's never happened before. Especially in math. Ever. I was in a state of shock. "What? You're talking to... to me?!" Yeah man. I'm gonna award myself. Once I find my ass a job. Shit, man. Now I'm hungry. I keep thinking about this macaroni and cheese that's at this food place next to Karyns apartment. My mouth is watering, lawd hammercy on mah sowl. Frillz. :/

Eh, I shall holla at you niggas. My kick has one bar. I can't wait til I get home and hop in my fucking bed.

What in the fuck?

I'm sitting in my favorite chair watching my favorite movie, Pans Labyrinth. This little girl Ofelia is too cute ( in her own little spanish way ), and the character who plays the goddamn Capitan makes me hate him with a deep burning passion. He'll get his though. One day. :/

I hella like blogging on my sidekick more than on the laptop. Except the slick feeling of the keys makes me feel as if I'm rubbing my finger against... nevermind y'all. Lol. I'm hella not in the mood for anything / anyone. Seems as if times like these are when people decide they wanna goddamn bother me most. Blah.

Aw, the capitan just killed the doctor! Asshole.

Today I went to Megans house and chilled with my long lost friend. I hadn't seen her in months. She randomly texted me on some "we need to chill asap!" and I thought, what's more soon than today? Y'all know. Anyway we watched knocked up and caught up and all that jazz. I plan on setting her up for a blind date with one of the juniors I see daily at the library. He seems like he'd be perfect for her.

The baby in this movie is making me wish I had one to cuddle and kiss and take care of. Nah, I ain't crazy. Don't listen to me though. Smh. I'm really into the Assata Shakur book. I hella couldn't picture myself enjoying it as much as I do. I'm goddamn in love with her ( nohomo ♥ )! Lol seriously though? I think I've found my new idol.

Aw, Pedro to the rescue! - jumps in the air & claps my heels

Lol, this movie isn't half as good without someone to watch it with. :/. Julez ran to my rescue when I needed help mentally today. I'm forever in debt to him because of it ( sike ). I have formed an unbreakable bond with the spic though. And I'm grateful for it.

I'm dreading going to class tomorrow. I spent the day being miserable and I think I need another day. Plus I have to finish my assignment and procrastination is getting the best of me. The only reason I even remembered it was because Cee and Brian both IMed me asking about it. "Lemme start that shit right now!" That was over two and a half hours ago. I'll holla.

I promise you, for you I will.

I will cross the ocean for you...

yesterday / last night was tiring. I hardly wanna talk about last night. I played around with my hair a little bit. I was thinking about coloring it, but then I remembered how much I'd have to do lol. nah, I'll pass. I set a new goal for myself. if I've achieved it by christmas then I'll award me. I promise, self. - pinky swears

I was freaking this close to getting my nose pierced yesterday. I was gonna have my cousin do it with a needle ( shes in the picture with me ---> there ! lmao, but she won't lemme get it with a gun because she says the hole ends up being really big and I'll have to wear ghettofied nose rings ) and go buy myself a small ass stud. man! I should've done it. but next time I see her I guess I will. should've isn't a word?

killing me softly - lauryn hill

I bought a book by a black panther named "Assata Shakur". its an autobiography and I've read the first three chapters or so. it's really good so far. I'm getting tired of the hood drug money sex books. overrated. I can always guess the ending. a nigga ends up dead or in jail. womp womp. next? anyway I have homework to do when I get home. one thing I like about school is it keeps me busy.

smh. I think my livejournal needs an update. I've unconciously abandoned her.